What a Year of Sobriety Taught Me

Exactly one year ago today I had my last sip of alcohol. It was my 29th birthday party and I vowed to spend a year sober to “feel my best by 30.” So, on February 3, 2019, I began my journey into sobriety.

What I didn’t know then was that this would be one of the best decisions I’d ever make.

Note: just because I have found so much joy in sobriety does NOT mean that I am judging those who drink or use drugs. I’m not intending to convince you to become sober. I am solely sharing my thoughts and experiences.

Why Sobriety?

My choice to live sober for a year was not because I thought I was an alcoholic. While I never felt dependent on alcohol, I recognized that I didn’t love the person I was when I drank.

I made careless decisions, would forget things, and experienced horrible hangovers. Those hangovers would make me a worthless human the next day.

I knew something needed to change, so I decided to make a commitment to myself to take a year-long break.

Giving Up Alcohol

I consider myself very fortunate. For me, entering sobriety was fairly seamless.

I recognize that unlike me, many people don’t give up drinking out of a conscious choice. Often, if they do, it may be a conscious decision that comes with a huge struggle. For people who go through this, I cannot commend them enough for their hard work and dedication to sobriety. I don’t want my ease of doing this to overshadow the huge accomplishment even a day without alcohol can be for many.

I am extremely lucky that my drinking wasn’t a dependency or an addiction. For me, the process of cutting it out of my life was relatively simple. While there were times I wanted to enjoy a drink with friends, I was able to pick a mocktail of a drink menu or ask the bartender to make me something alcohol-free.

I’m also very fortunate that I live in a big city where the mocktail movement is growing exceedingly popular. This is helpful for two big reasons.

First, one of the things I loved most when drinking was the complex flavors of some cocktails but with the growing mocktail options, I can get those flavor profiles without the added alcohol.

Second, if I’m out celebrating with friends and everyone is cheers-ing with a cocktail, I can still join in the celebration with something less-boring than water or iced tea.

Lastly, I attribute much of the ease of sobriety to having a husband who also doesn’t drink. I never feel pressured to have a drink when I’m with him, nor do I feel judged for not drinking – something that was a fear of mine when I first made the choice to give up alcohol.

5 Things I’ve Learned in Sobriety

In the past year, I’ve learned some big lessons, both about myself and people in general. While I could go on for days about all my takeaways, here are the top 5 things I’ve found.

1. Not all friendships are as strong as the alcohol they were forged over

While the majority of my friendships were unaffected by my choice to stop drinking, there are some that seemed to fizzle out. As someone who went out frequently, I didn’t realize just how many of my friendships revolved around going out for drinks, clubbing, or happy hours after work.

Because we had drinking in common, we had strong friendships. But once I stopped going out to bars and emphasizing happy hour over seeing my puppies after work, these friendships started to die out.

After about three to four months, it became clear that without drinking we truly didn’t have any hobbies or interests in common.

2. Alcohol is a crutch in networking environments

I admit that I was someone who used alcohol as a crutch for networking. Before going to introduce myself to a group at an event I would head straight to the bar to grab a beer. After the “liquid” courage, I would then feel comfortable going up to a group to introduce myself.

Now that my first stop isn’t the bar, I’ve noticed just how much people rely on alcohol in these types of environments. In fact, at every networking event I’ve been at in the past year I’ve seen at least one person get so overserved that they could barely stand.

In addition, I’ve received many confused replies from contacts I’ve met at events who drank enough to not remember everyone they had networked with the night before.

By not drinking, I’m able to clearly remember every conversation, send follow-ups in a timely fashion (no hangover delays here), and make sure that all of my conversations are beneficial.

3. People will get uncomfortable when you first tell them about your sobriety, but not for the reason you might think

When I first stopped drinking, I wondered how people would react when I told them. The response wasn’t what I expected.

If I was out with a group of friends:

And so on, depending on how many people are out.

While I anticipated the response to be people questioning why I chose to quit drinking, the reactions were completely opposite. My lack of drinking made others around me feel like they need to justify their choice to drink. Even in one-on-one conversations I often find myself letting someone know that then choosing to drink is okay and they don’t have to justify it to me.

It seems as though once one person decides not to drink, people begin to second-guess their own choice to indulge. Their justification to me tends to sound more like them reassuring themself that the drink in their hand.

4. Alcohol consumption is overly glorified

Don’t get me wrong, I used to love a good “rosé all day” slogan (even though I didn’t love rosé). But until I took a step back from drinking I didn’t fully realize how much we over-glorified drinking.

From “rosé all day” to “this might be wine” and even “Gin-dependent woman,” there’s a glorification to drinking. Now, I’m not trying to say that people should not have fun and enjoy themselves if they choose to. However, surrounding young, impressionable women with cute t-shirts and coffee cups that encourage them to drink at all hours of the day is problematic if we aren’t also giving them the tools to have discussions about drinking responsibly.

5. I don’t need alcohol to have fun

Regardless of all the points above, the biggest driving factor in my choice to remain sober is this: I don’t need alcohol to have fun.

Whether I’m going to an early morning yoga class, taking my puppies to the park, working on a new skill, or simply out at girls night with a mocktail instead of a cocktail, I haven’t felt like I’ve ever sacrificed a good time for the sake of being sober. In fact, because I’m making clearer decisions and fully present in the moment, I’ve found that I am able to enjoy myself more, no matter the situation.

What’s Next?

While my original intention was to spend one year sober, I’ve decided to continue with my sobriety. From being more productive with work to feeling better in general, I love the changes I’ve felt from this lifestyle.

My Advice For Anyone Looking to Cut Back

While I can’t give professional advice, I do have some advice for anyone looking to cut back on their drinking. If you do believe you have a more severe drinking problem, please seek professional help in lieu of using my tips.

1. Set a goal timeframe to begin, for example, a dry month or only drinking one day a week. This way you have a tangible goal to work towards and measure success against.
2. Find someone to cut back with. By having a friend to talk to or spend time with when you aren’t drinking, it’s much easier to stop.
3. Tell your friends and family that you’re cutting back so they can help support you and hold you accountable.

Looking for additional advice or support? Contact me with your questions, for mocktail recommendations, or to simply get some words of encouragement.